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[10/06/2009 @ 10:52pm] |
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I don't want to know how many girls you've slept with just this year. The fact that it's already been five, makes me sick to my stomach. I was one of those five. I gave you something I can't give anyone else and you're acting like it's no big deal. It probably isn't to you though. I was a quick fuck, an easy tease. Whatever. Whatever. I can't even write right now because I'm about to break down. I miss you so much. I miss hanging out. I miss how easy it was before we started fooling around. Before fucking everything. I can't let it go, no matter how 'easy' it is. I'm trying to sound like a hardass telling you it's not that hard but it's the hardest thing i've had to fucking experience so far when it comes to my love life. I hate knowing that I never have a chance with you. It breaks my heart. But honestly, I'm seeing this side ofyou now and i'm better off without you. No matter how terrible it feels.
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[09/23/2009 @ 5:28pm] |
I never should have texted you monday. I shouldn't have told you that you were right about Jamrog being completely incompetent, that he shouldn't be teaching Physics. Seriously. I didn't think you'd text me back though, and maybe that's why I did it. But you did text me back. And like usual, it left me wanting more. It left me wanting you. I'm trying to get over this little crush, big crush.. whatever you want to call it but I can't. It doesn't matter what I do, or who I'm with. I could see myself with you, I could see our life. Everything. There are times when I want to break down crying because of what has happened with us this summer. How much things changed. I liked you from the moment I met you, and almost immediately you turned into one of my closest guy friends. I miss the bonfires at Bosco's, and that night at Periards. Gosh, we were so cute together and we weren't even dating. Your cousin even brought it up one night. How your friends liked me, how she liked me as well as us together. We would've made a great team. It's funny how months ago, you told me you didn't think you could ever sleep with me because of my age, and just how small I was. How you'd feel guilty. It's just really ironic 'cause you're the one I lost my virginity too.. and well.. just you got so WEIRD after. That's what made me regret what happened the most. Things should've been different, it shouldnt have been a loveless act. But it was and I can't change it. I don't know what to do anymore. I can kiss whoever I want, do whatever I want but the only person I think of is YOU. It's awkward kissing a new boy when you're on my mind. You're the only one I've ever met that I'd wait forever for and that scares me. There's no way in hell you'll ever feel the same. I know what I'm worth, I know my strengths and my weaknesses and you are my weakness. ughx...
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[09/10/2009 @ 4:48pm] |
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I never thought I'd be jealous of you. I am. So so jealous.. I don't see how you could just leave him for some other boy when he's amazing. fuckshitfuck. it might've been a long time ago but still. it's not cooool when you had an amazing opportunity and i don't have it.
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| "We accept the love we think we deserve" |
[08/09/2009 @ 4:15am] |
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In all honesty. I don't know what I deserve anymore and wishing I had you, makes me selfish. I used to be such a good person, always giving, caring, always kind. I've down a three sixty, and I don't know what to do about it. I've ruined your idea of me. I'm so immature around you it disgusts me after I leave and I don't notice i'm being immature until after I leave your house. I firmly believe we would be a good pair. but i'm well aware of what you deserve, and to be completely honest - as much as it sucks.. you deserve more then me. Much, much more than me. I want the best for you, no matter how much it sucks. But I've messed up so much that I know there isn't a chance. I don't think there ever was, either. I just wish I could go back in time, before the fooling around, before the party, where we talked for hours and hours and had sooo much fun. but if we went back in time, to then, you'd like me.. maybe.. I should stop thinking about things that would make me happy.
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| No lies, just love |
[03/30/2009 @ 8:11pm] |
and life has been so wonderful lately!
But. There's something I'd like to touch on:
I'd really like it if you would STOP trying to be one of the originals, it's pissing me off.
you're taking everything good that I had going for me - away. I don't even want to talk to
you anymore. You've ruined so much for me.
Random stuff:
* I met Jamie Tworkowski founder of To Write Love on Her Arms :)
* I bought a 3OH!3 ringtone, even though I think they're a terrible band
* I almost quit my job, almost.
* I've been drinking more water lately, as well as running more.
* My mom bought Chuck and I Call of Duty: World at War for our early easter gift!
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[02/02/2009 @ 11:39pm] |
I dislike that when I get so scared about a certain topic
I have a panic attack and then feel like crap for hours on end.
:( and I'm so confused.
I want to stop liking you, not like you more.
but it's so difficult..
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[02/01/2009 @ 7:41pm] |
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"If I was seventeen, I think I would have to ask you out"
You're such a goofball, I swear. But it made me smile,
and you knew that it would. Thank you.
You are by far one of my favorite people in the entire world,
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[01/23/2009 @ 11:26pm] |
I'm so hungry I could cry. I've been drained all week and can't stop sleeping.
What a lovely life.
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[01/19/2009 @ 10:38pm] |
Oh, and this makes my world go 'round!
sup smexy?(; FOSTER - WE DO NOT SEEM LIKE LESBIANS. whoreface. Go blow something... up.
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[01/19/2009 @ 10:01pm] |
I need some hardcore therapy. I need a break. I need to see Amanda. and I really don't care how lesbianish that may sound.
Okay.. so far this year .. it's just been amazing and incredible and every other positive word that could describe it. I started New Years eve off with my best friend and met quite a few new people. I partied with Bryan that night, and I tell you what ! "Youth Leadership kids kick ass!" That's basically the only thing he and I kept telling his friend. In more or less words.. :) I really do hope this year is a turn around for me, I know I say that and then take no initiative to change it but really. how would I? I don't feel like I belong at Glenn, I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I know where I'm comfortable at. The library, concerts, home. Every once in a while I'm comfortable in class, which I guess sounds silly but really. I'm not stupid, on contrary to what you may believe. I have awards from my tests scores from when I was younger. I've gotten above average on plenty of other tests. I'm an introvert now, and I want to get back to my extroverted-ness!
I want my fun, spontaneous and obnoxious life back (:
PS FOSTER - I love you
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[01/04/2009 @ 6:09pm] |
I hate my life, actually more importantly, I hate Chuck's mutant spawns mother.
She isn't supposed to be home today - shes due home tomorrow.
don't act dumb and tell me you didn't know,
I'm not stupid I was standing by Chuck when he told you.. moron.
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[12/22/2008 @ 3:32am] |
I like how I'm having trouble sleeping,
and I can't find my phone to text my best friend.
It's absolutely wonderful, and I'd really like for these
horrific thoughts to go away. I loathe holidays.
I hate the fact that I can't ever get it out of my head.
Noone else seems affected by it, why am I?
I miss you.. I miss you so damn much :(
I'm going to turn off my lights now and
pray that Carter Burwell and his piano magicness
will lull me to sleep..
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[12/17/2008 @ 11:53pm] |
So I haven't really updated in a while, and for some reason I seem more stressed then usual.
I honestly believe it when they say venting helps you out. So here goes nothing, eh?
I recently read Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher and it was good. Deffinately
not my favorite, but it's in the top fifteen of my list. Which reminds me, I need to go
put that in my bag for Ms. Hall..done. We got our yearbooks this past week and it's
crazy how much everyone has changed. Looking at freshman pictures and seeing them
now, they look like babies ! It's kind of funny though :) I really wish it was Friday, or saturday already.
And I'm excited for Christmas. My mom is getting a Wii, which means its hers but.. family use. I think yes.
All I really want this christmas is my camera.. that's it. With some books and GK clothes along with TWLOHA
stuff. I'd be perfectly content. I'm not even in the mood for Christmas this year, oh well.
I'm going to bed. That six hour nap did nothing for me.
I really wish this week would be over with already.
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[12/10/2008 @ 8:55am] |
My computer is such a pile of junk,
seriously. It won't let me onto fanfiction or forever21
It's pissing me off. I want to see if my order has been
updated. I hate my life. Cheer me up or something..
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| Twilight |
[11/21/2008 @ 11:56pm] |
While I adore the book series and like how they got SOME parts of this movie
correct. There were many things I did not like, whatsoever. They took out
IMPORTANT scenes/quotes from the book, and added in scenes that had
nothing to do with it. But I must say the flasbacks were amazing,
and Stephenie's cameo was pretty great.
Hopefully New Moon will be better.
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[11/18/2008 @ 6:23am] |
Bigger Than Love - My Favorite Highway
is the story of my life. It's the story that love can
conquer all. I love love. Even if I am a skeptic.
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[11/17/2008 @ 6:17am] |
I like how I couldn't sleep for more than an hour last night
before I woke up tossing and turning.
:/
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[11/15/2008 @ 8:33am] |
I got to meet the mayor yesterday,
and tour city hall and go into the clock tower.
:]
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[11/11/2008 @ 5:53pm] |
She won't get anywhere in life if EVERYONE
does whatever she needs to do for herself.
She knows how to open a fucking car door
and she certainly knows how to open a pop bottle.
She can complain about it being too tight all she wants
but she was the last person to drink out of it. I'm sick
of her getting babied. I really, honest to god am.
I don't give a damn about how old she is,
I know more mature and independent six year olds
then her. She'll be nine, quit telling me I need to grow up
and realize how little she is. I know how fucking little she is,
but it isn't an excuse for when she uses your makeup,
or when she does something she knows she isn't
supposed to do.
I need out of here, and away from her.
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the_final_song's journal